Howerton+Wooten Events Blog. The musings of a Maryland Wedding and Event Planner

Don't Put Your Wedding Guests Through The Marshmallow Test

Have you ever been to a wedding reception where you are stuck in your seat waiting for the wedding party to be introduced?  You are famished, but you are forced to sit and "watch" that pre-set salad wilt before your eyes.  Some call this the Marshmallow Experiment.

It's painful, isn't it?

So keep this in mind when your wedding day rolls around.  Take as many wedding pictures as you can before the wedding ceremony.  Offer hors d' oeuvres (even if it is just a few) during your cocktail reception.  And work with your professional wedding vendors to prepare a wedding day schedule (or timeline) that everyone (vendors, venue, wedding party) should follow -- including you.

Your hungry guests will love you for it.

Love & Soul Always, Kay

My Favorite Take-Away from Eventology 2009

(Photo: Jennifer Napier of OneWed, Me, Kasey Conyers of Bliss Weddings and Events, Quenetta Gordon of Something Blue, and Melissa Margarita-DiStefano of MasterPiece Weddings)

 

 

Earlier this year, I had the fortunate opportunity to attend Eventology 2009.  I took a lot away from this conference – networking with planners, thought-provoking presentations and Katasha’s special touches.

But, what I remember the most was the fact that I was among a group of total strangers yet somehow felt like I was in a special community of the most welcoming and most hilarious colleagues I might ever meet.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if your wedding guests felt that way?

Consider creating your own wedding guest community that makes your guests feel special and welcome.  Here are some ideas –

1. Highlight your wedding guests.  Use a section of your wedding web site to highlight a different wedding guest each month.  Provide a very small bio of the highlighted guest or share a fun tale that describes his or her relationship with the bride or groom.  And step outside of the "wedding guest box."  It's easy to highlight a bridesmaid or a family member on your wedding web site -- consider highlighting those family members and friends that might not know very many of your wedding guests.

2. Engage your guests prior to the big day.  If a number of your wedding guests are on Facebook or Twitter, consider engaging them.  A barrage of wedding details will bore them to tears -- instead share funny wedding planning anecdotes.  Use this opportunity to to ask for advice of your guests.  Many will be happy to share their words of wisdom.

3. Connect at the pre-wedding parties.  Take some time at your bridal shower or your engagement party to introduce and thank each guest.  Work with your bridal party and your family to connect shower/party guests who have similar interests and backgrounds.

4. Music matters.  Playing background music will set the tone for your wedding reception.  Nothing too loud -- People need to hear each other to engage.  Upbeat music is great for lively pre-dinner discussions and jazzy instrumental music is great complement to dinner conversation.  Try to include dance music that appeals to most of the wedding guests.

5. Create a small game for guests to play during your cocktail hour.  One option is to create a game that encourages your wedding guests to meet and chat with other wedding guests.  I've seen trivia contests and small scavenger hunts that were pretty fun and successful at receptions.

6. Pay attention to the seating plan.  You don’t have to seat all of the family members together (okay, the spouses should be together).  Consider the following seating options: similar interests, occupations, sororities, and alma maters.  Try to create wedding guest symmetry by placing the social butterflies and the great storytellers at different tables -- you don’t want your guests feeling left out because they aren’t engaged in a fun, lively discussion.

7. Pay attention to the table sizes.  I find that the tables with fewer guests have the best dinner conversations.  Instead of 10 or 11 guests at a larger 72" table, consider placing 8 guests at a 60" round table.

8. Encourage each table to work together.  Ask your guests to work together to write you a group note with their best marriage advice.  Allow your emcee to read all of the notes out loud, and give a fun prize to the guests at the table for best answer.  Everyone at the reception can vote on the best answer by applauding.

Do you have any ideas for creating a wedding guest community?

Love & Soul Always, Kay

 

 

(Photo: World’s Largest Self Portrait Taken By Melissa Margarita DiStefano)

 

Monday Morning Thoughts: Gain Some Perspective with your Type "F"

Wow.  Things are a little crazy in the world right now.

Every now and then we need someone to help us put all of the hectic nonsense in our lives into perspective.

Check out one of my previous posts on the value of having a "Type F" in your life.  It really helped me at the time.

When you plan your wedding, who is your type "F?"

Love & Soul Always, Kay

Monday Morning Thoughts: Plan For More Than Just Your Wedding

 

Fat Daddy always tells me that you attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.

This is good advice given to so many of us by our parents and grandparents.

Lately, I find myself watching talk shows and reality shows that showcase beautiful brides insulting and demeaning their friends, family members (and grooms) into submission.

I was horrified to watch an episode of Tyra recently where a bride asked her sister to lose 100 pounds, get a tummy tuck and purchase $1,000 worth of Indian hair for a hair weave.  Her rationale: "She needs to lose it anyhow, why not do it before my wedding."

Wow.

Memories of how you treat your family, friends and wedding guests will outlast the memory of your wedding gown, the cake AND that fabulous band.

So be nice while planning your wedding.  Even when you are REALLY stressed out.

It will benefit you (and your special relationships) long after your wedding day.

Love & Soul Always, Kay

 

 

Monday Morning Thoughts: Do You Have a Plan B for Your Wedding?

Last month, I was on medical leave for a little surgery.  And like most of my industry colleagues, I had a back-up plan in place to ensure that my clients were well taken care of in my absence.

While I was out, I started to wonder, "Do you have a plan B for your wedding day?"

As I said before, most of your professional wedding vendors will be prepared for emergencies, so you can expect them to have a back-up plan in place if any of they become unavailable -- it's a necessity.

This may not always be the case if you assign a friend or family member to act as one of your key wedding vendors.

Let me ask you six key questions --

1.     First and foremost (the most obvious), if you are getting married outside, do you have a back-up plan that you can live with?  It's so easy to get swept up by the beautiful views associated with an outdoor ceremony.  But I recommend you take a long pause before signing a venue agreement if an indoor contingency plan is not available in case.

2.     Is there anything noted in your wedding vendor agreements that addresses a SUITABLE REPLACEMENT if a vendor becomes unavailable?  If there isn't, have a long discussion to ensure that a plan is in place.  Once the details are confirmed, ask to get it in writing.  If you already signed the agreement, ask to add an addendum to your current agreement.  And don't let anyone tell you that "nothing will happen" because we have no control over the weather, family emergencies or even (gasp) death.

3.     What about equipment?  As you plan your wedding, you are working with numerous vendors that require specialized equipment.  So, you want to ensure they have back-up equipment available (i.e., a spare camera, an extra microphone).

4.     Do you have wedding planning insurance?  Having wedding insurance similar to WedSafe is not going to help in the middle of a challenge, but there is nothing worse than paying for something twice.  Wedding insurance will help you to recoup some of the money lost if you experience theft or an emergency.

Also, I've heard several of stories of couples finding out that a wedding industry business has closed because of financial hardship.  Leaving the couple behind to pick up the pieces.  When this occurs, you may find yourself at square one.  But it definitely helps if you have insurance OR if you paid for your expenses with a credit card.  Check with your credit card company beforehand for the rules and regulations regarding refunds for lack of products or services.

5.     Do you have any back-up money in your wedding budget?  When you start your wedding planning, set aside 7 to 10% of your wedding planning budget for emergency expenses.  This helps you remain on budget even if you are faced with a new expense during the last eight weeks of your wedding planning.  If you don't experience any new expenses, you have a surplus for your honeymoon (or better yet, your new home).

6.     Have you built a plan B into your wedding day schedule?  Wedding days are fun, exciting and crazy.  They can be so crazy that time can sneak away from you.  So work with your wedding planner to pad your wedding day timeline.  This helps you to recoup lost time due to a traffic jam, or a misplaced marriage license or missing groomsmen. . . .  And let me tell you, groomsmen do get lost sometimes!

Do you have any Plan B stories or ideas?  Please share -- We would love to hear them.

Love & Soul Always, Kay

The Value of a Wedding Planner from A Photographer's Perspective

I know that many of you have already read posts stating, "the value of a wedding planner."  But I received the following e-mail from Alan Rein at MorningStar Photography this morning and I had to share it.

“As photographers we know firsthand how invaluable a wedding planner can be.  This often overlooked individual helps in ways -- too many to mention -- with the planning and execution of one of the most important days in the life of a bride and groom.  They help with managing schedules, payments, vendor contracts and so much more.  Often they become the unpaid therapist and unsung heroines and heroes of a couple’s wedding day.  We have all seen our share of wedding disasters averted by these skilled individuals.  Planners can do ALL of the planning, or the day of only.  They help with the selection of a venue, a florist, a photographer, they can bring extraordinary decorating skills to a venue that is four walls and lacks personality at all.”

“On a hot summer day at one memorable wedding, the bride in an effort to save money had her mother do all the planning, the cake was a confection covered in whipped cream.  Mom had the cake arrive at noon to make sure it was at the venue on time.  She insisted the cake be placed at the picture window -- She thought we would get better photos.  Mom didn’t take into consideration that the ceremony started at five pm and that a cocktail reception would follow the ceremony and the general schedule that had been set put the cake cutting close to eight pm.  The sun went down, it was time to cut the cake, there was no cake, it was simply a whipped cream disaster.  The sun had melted the cream, which was now dripping on the floor with strawberries looking back at us from the foam on the table.  Luckily we had photographed the cake several hours earlier while it was still standing and we had wonderful photos of what it looked like before the big meltdown.

 

My point is a planner would have considered, time, location and placement of the cake.  The bride was inconsolable for a few minutes after seeing that she had nothing to cut and what had become of this part of her vision (she loved that cake).”

“We would recommend involving a planner as soon as possible.  Most of our clients hold full time jobs, are in graduate school, are parents to young children, some are also taking care of elderly parents.  The wedding planner is definitely one of the better investments for any major life event such as a wedding."

 

Wow.  Thanks so much for sharing this story Alan.  And just so you know, wedding planners know the incredible value of professional wedding photographers too (big time).

 

Love & Soul Always, Kay

 

(Photo of Wedding Cake: Leo Hein Photography)

Monday Morning Thoughts: White Girls Can't Jump?

Last February, a bride approached me at a bridal show because she needed some advice.

She noticed that my portfolio showcased numerous multicultural weddings, and she was hoping that I could help her with an issue.

You see, the bride (Caucasian) and the groom (African American) planned to Jump the Broom at the end of their wedding ceremony.  When they shared this detail with family, a few family members (on both sides of the family) expressed their concern about the bride participating in this tradition because of the history behind Jumping the Broom.  The tradition meant a lot to the groom but the bride was concerned that her participation would only anger family members. (I have a sneaky suspicion that it will only anger the vocal few, but I digress.)

Here's my take (not the facts, just my take):

1. Based on the info that I've collected over the years, Jumping the Broom is a wedding tradition (primarily practiced in the African American community) that is carried out to honor ancestors.  Shortly after a couple is declared husband and wife, they take a moment to pay respect to the ancestors that literally planted the seeds of their family tree.  This tradition is not carried out to honor slavery; this tradition is carried out to celebrate a new beginning.  And it is a tradition that is carried out to pay homage to the ancestors and their will to unite as a family in spite of slavery.

With that being said, is it really inappropriate for this couple to participate in this tradition?  Absolutely not. In my experience, I have seen a bride with Southern Baptist roots get married under a chuppah, a groom with Irish roots participate in Korean wedding traditions, and an American groom actively participate in Ethiopian wedding traditions.  Every single one of those mentioned ceremonies brought me (and everyone involved) to tears.

2. "It's Not Easy Being Green."  Weddings are full of emotion when you bring together a bride and groom from the same background -- When you sprinkle in diverse factors such as religion, culture, race and gender, you kick the emotional scale up 200%.  Embrace your diversity, respect it, and celebrate it.  And come to terms with the fact that it may not be embraced or respected by all of your family members (not right away anyhow).  Like Kermit the Frog said, diversity is not always easy.

3. Blending family and cultural traditions are one of the many reasons why weddings are so beautiful.  Work with your parents, your officiant, and your planner to figure out the best way to perform the wedding traditions that matter most to the both of you.  And I have found that a brief explanation in the wedding program goes a long way to helping your guests understand why the various traditions are so special.

4. Enjoy your wedding day.  The "beauty" of family events, such as weddings, is the fact that you will receive "unsolicited" advice and feedback no matter what you do.  This is your wedding day.  Take in what is necessary, and work with your trusted family members to incorporate traditions and rituals that represent both of your backgrounds.  After all, inclusivity is what you were trying to do in the first place.

Love & Soul Always, Kay

(Jumping the Broom Art: Annie Lee)

Love Should Not Physically Hurt

True Story.  When I was in college, I dated a guy that many would have considered "perfect marriage material."  He was headed to law school, he was charming, and he was fine (a.k.a. quite handsome).

 

I must admit that I thought I hit the lottery when he asked me out on our first date.

There was one little challenge: I was his worst enemy after he enjoyed a couple of drinks.

I was too embarrassed to ask for help, and I was too afraid to tell my “take no crap” mother (she would have driven to Virginia and . . .).  So I lived with it silently for seven months.

Right before everyone left for winter break, he and I met several friends at a local restaurant.  While we were waiting for our meal, he proposed.  I said yes, but no one heard me.  You see, just when I said yes, his very loud buddies took the attention away by cheering and congratulating him.  In that split second, a thought occurred to me – “Wait a minute!  This [bleeeeep] hits me!”  So when everyone calmed down, I mustered up enough courage to tell him no.

He was angry and a probably a little humiliated, so he broke up with me on Christmas Eve.  I consider that one of the best Christmas gifts I have ever received.

I am sharing this very personal story today, because the chatter about Chris Brown and Rihanna scares me to death.  I don’t know what actually occurred between the two of them, so I refuse to say anything about Chris Brown's alleged actions.  What I am most concerned about are the spoken and written opinions about Rihanna.  Many (including young women) have alluded to the fact that Rihanna deserved it.

Here is the deal. No one (man or woman) deserves to be assaulted.  I don’t care if you insult his/her mama, wreck his/her car or have relations with his/her best friend.  Hitting someone is assault.  It is un-cool.  It is illegal, and it should not be tolerated.

And guess what?  An assault is typically never a one-time thing.  If s/he hits you once, it will most likely occur a second time (and a third).

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, please remember that you are worth too much to remain in a relationship that does not honor you as a human being.  Remove yourself from the situation and get help.  I promise you that you did nothing to deserve this.  Here are some numbers to call.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or (800) 787-3224 TTY

Love Is Respect National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: (866) 331-9474 or (866) 331-8453 TTY

 

Love & Soul Always, Kay

Monday Morning Thoughts: We Are More Alike . . .

 

A few months ago, the cutest thing happened . . .

 

One Saturday morning, I was on a call with a bride who grew up in a country located in Eastern Africa.  We were discussing her catering numbers when she said to me, “Kay, you don’t understand!  I have to order more food than usual because many people in my culture tend to come to family wedding receptions even if they didn't receive an invitation.

 

Later that day I had a bridal consult.  The young lady was from a Caribbean island.  During our consult, she light-heartedly mentioned that her relatives would attend the wedding reception AND they would bring family, neighbors, friends and even a goat if they could get away with it!

 

That evening, I had a call with another client.  She happened to be from a southern Asian country.  Again, we were discussing her reception.  She casually mentioned to me, "Kay, I need assistance planning my reception because the guarantee will be hard.  In my culture, people believe the more the merrier!"

 

**I simply smiled and sighed.**  We are definitely more alike than we are different.

 

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

 

 

Love & Soul Always, Kay

Monday Morning Thoughts: Laugh Out Loud

 

Laughing out loud for 10-15 minutes a day burns 10-40 calories.  That is the equivalent of a small piece of chocolate.

Do not let wedding planning drama get to you.  No matter what the dilemma is, there is always a solution.  And in a couple of years, you will most likely laugh at that little dilemma.  It's all good.

 

 

Enjoy a good laugh today!  Love & Soul Always, Kay

 

 

 

 

 

(Photo: Anna Kilbridge Photography)