Howerton+Wooten Events Blog. The musings of a Maryland Wedding and Event Planner

Monday Morning Thoughts: "How Much for Just One Rib!?!"

A couple of years ago, I got a pricing inquiry from a bride.

Her money was tight, so she wanted to know how much it would cost for me to show up at her wedding reception for a couple of hours on her wedding day.

"Wha?!?"

 

This request reminded me of the scene in the 1980's parody of blaxploitation movies, "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka!"

"How much for just one rib?!?"  

 

Now, I'm not trying to poke fun at this bride.

 

 

 

I just want you to see how challenging it is to extract a tiny portion of a wedding planner's service and successfully experience the planner's full value.

 

Before a wedding planner can fully execute your wedding day, we typically need to know and understand the details that you have created, the wedding day stakeholders (i.e, your mama, your fiance/fiancee), the players and most of all, your wedding day expectations.

And, we can't do that by just "showing up."

 

If anyone tells you that they can, you should run away as quick as you can.

Love and Soul Always, Kay

 

Seven Things I Would Change if I Were the Wedding Goddess of the World

If I were the "wedding goddess," . . .

1. I would make the act of "forgetting to RSVP" against the law.

2. I would require people stop blaming their culture for being tardy.

3. I would delete the word, "bridezilla," "groomzilla" and all of the other "zillas" from the wedding industry dictionary.

4. I would add some diversity to the wedding magazine covers.  Seriously folks.  This is ridiculous.

5. I would make all 50 states understand that equal rights should include the right to marry.

6. I would make sure that we never (ever) hear of another story of a bridal salon, photographer or even a wedding planner leaving a couple high and dry.

And, 7. I would make sure that each and every wedding exceeded a bride's expectations.

 

Have a great week!

Love and Soul Always, Kay

Monday Morning Thoughts: Wedding Perfection is in the Eye of the Beholder

There may be a moment in your wedding planning when you select a flower or an invitation or a dress that is absolutely perfect.

This selection is so perfect to you that you get butterflies in your stomach every time you think about it.

Now imagine that your mom, girlfriend or co-worker is not thrilled with your "perfect selection."

What do you do?

Do you change your mind?  or Cry?  or Fuss at your Planner for letting you think that your perfect decision was . . . well perfect.

 

No.  You don't do any of those things.

 

You keep on loving your perfect flower or your perfect dress or your perfect invitation.  And know that everyone isn't going to like the same things that you like.

And, that's okay.

Because this is your wedding.

 

Love and Soul Always, Kay

Monday Morning Thoughts: The Definition of Parents

I come from a fairly large family filled with siblings, my beloved Fat Daddy, my mom, aunts, uncles, cousins, "play cousins," godparents . . . you get the picture.

So, my version of parents included any "elder" in the family.

Since I started Howerton+Wooten Events, I've seen so many new versions of parents -- single moms, single dads, divorced parents, stepmoms, stepdads, grandparents, godparents, two moms, two dads, aunts, uncles.

Life doesn't always present us with the family dynamic that you see on The Brady Bunch or Leave it to Beaver.

But, I have found that this is okay with most brides and grooms.  Why?

Because, how you define your parents doesn't matter nearly as much as the love, encouragement and support you receive from them throughout your life.

I know, I know.  It sounds cheesy.  But, you know I am speaking the truth!

Love and Soul Always, Kay

 

Your Planner is a Fairy Godmother. And, Other Little Lies TV Tells You

 
I really enjoy watching wedding planning shows and movies.

Unfortunately, I find them frustrating too.

Why?  Because, wedding shows and wedding movies can distort a couples’ view of wedding planning.  Creating expectations that are a tad unrealistic.

Here are my truths –

• Your wedding planner is not your fairy godmother.  There is nothing more fun than seeing celebrity wedding planners take a bride’s wedding, and transform it into this extravagant production filled with flowers, fabric and bling.  But, one little question is never answered on some of these shows – Who is going to pay for all of this wedding goodness?  Many wedding designers have the expertise to transform just about any ballroom – But, the money to carry out the transformation doesn’t grow on a magical wedding planner tree.  It needs to be allocated into the budget.

 

• Wedding planning does not have to be dramatic.  By its very nature, weddings are emotional.  But, they don’t have to be dramatic.  Drama stems from conflict, over-reactions, and unrealistic expectations.  If you get those three little issues in check, you will minimize your drama.  Side note – Wedding shows edit the wedding planning episodes to ensure that the dramatic scenes are showcased.  Why?  Because, those dramatic wedding planning scenes are good for TV ratings.

 

• Wedding Planners are not Caricatures found on Sitcoms.  Wedding planners like Franck in the movie, “Father of the Bride,” make for great entertainment.  But, in reality, “Franck” stunk at wedding planning.  So, did Candice Bergen’s wedding planning character on “Bride Wars.”  Jennifer Lopez’s character on the movie, “Wedding Planner” was pretty good until she started getting involved with the bride’s man!  What is up with that!?!  I can assure you that your professional wedding planner will be focused on your wedding planning and not your man.

 

• A bride’s (or a groom) bad behavior is not okay.  If you watch a popular bride TV show, you have probably seen vendors standing by while a bride has an adolescent meltdown.  Some wedding vendors may allow brides to get away with these shenanigans.  But, most of your vendors will have a conduct clause in their agreement that allows them to walk away from your wedding planning (and your wedding) if you behave in such an inappropriate manner. 

So, what is the bottom line here?  “Don’t believe everything you see on TV.”

Love and Soul Always, Kay

Monday Morning Thoughts: Lessons Learned From My Brief Life as a Baker

In my previous life (500 years ago), my best friend, Juana, and I baked cakes for friends and family.  As time went on, we began selling these cakes.  We didn't do a bad job at it either.

After working at our "day jobs," we would come home and bake these tasty treats.  Then, we would decorate them using our homemade buttercream icing, parchment triangles and our beloved collection of Wilton tips.

We were a couple of hot, young bakers!

As time moved on, we started getting requests for wedding cakes.  And, we said yes.  We thought to ourselves, "This is no big deal.  Just a large cake!"  Right?  Wrong!

We were not prepared for the amount of time it took to prep, decorate, and refine a wedding cake for 150 people.  We didn't have the experience to know that cream cheese icing was not a good idea for a wedding cake at an outdoor wedding reception.  And, goodness knows -- We stunk at transporting that cake.  It was a scene ripped from an "I Love Lucy" episode -- complete with falling sugar flowers and a knuckle full of icing.  Oy!

So, what am I trying to tell you?

1. The next time you hire a wedding vendor, don't just look at their portfolio.  Ask them about their experience working on weddings.  Better yet, ask them about their experience working on weddings at your selected venue.

2. Ask your wedding vendor about their education and training.  Ask your wedding vendors where they honed their skills.  Ask them about their current professional development.  The wedding industry is constantly changing -- You want a vendor who values their craft enough to keep it sharp and fresh.

3. Ask a lot of questions and do your research.  Make sure that you make an educated decision, so do your homework.  Check the vendor's references.  Ask the vendor if they are licensed and insured.  After you ask each question, pay attention to their answers.  And, ask the about their business philosophy -- you may or may not care that you are one of 15 brides they are servicing during your wedding weekend, but it is good to know beforehand.

4. Don't be fooled by the super low prices.  Our prices were substantially less than our competition because 1.) We didn't know what to charge; 2.) We had no overhead because 3.) we had no experience baking a wedding cake.

5. Ask them for an agreement.  When we baked our first wedding cake, we didn't have an agreement with our bride.  Many times that night, we wanted to give up on the cake.  Fortunately, "giving up" wasn't an option for us -- But, we could have.  There was nothing binding us to the wedding except our promise.

So, the next time you hire your wedding vendor, remember the lessons learned from my brief life as a 23-year-old wedding cake baker.  It could make a difference in your wedding day.

Love and Soul Always, Kay

BTW: The Wedding Cake turned out fine.  And, the bride and groom didn't have any clue about our numerous challenges.

 

Now, here is a good reason to hire a professional wedding planner

Just so you know, a professional wedding planner would have --

A.) Thought of the outdoor pests beforehand, and recommended leaving the cake inside until right before the cake cutting.

B.) Placed some oscillating fans near the cake/buffet to discourage the outdoor insects and animals.

C.) Placed the cake within a decorative canopy

- or -

D.) Determined an animal and insect control plan beforehand to prevent animals and pests from "crashing the wedding reception."

Enjoy an excellent week!

Love and Soul Always, Kay

(I am not sure of the photo source.  My best buddy Juana sent this to me.)

Monday Morning Thoughts: Minding Your Privacy

Last month, something private to me was posted on the internet.  I was caught off guard because I expected this vendor to check with me first.  But, I considered myself guilty too – I knew this person had a blog, so I should have told this person that the information I shared with her was private.

I know better now.

This incident got me to thinking – What can a bride do to protect her privacy on the web?  I have some recommendations below.

  

· Check the Model Release in Your Vendor Agreements.  A couple of years ago, a former client of mine was surprised to find her wedding picture was on her make-up artist’s business card.  No one asked my former client if it was okay because the make-up artist purchased the picture from the photographer.  Before you sign each wedding vendor agreement, review and discuss the model release.  You want to be sure you understand how, when (and how often) your wedding images may be used. 

I bet you are wondering how the photographer could sell a picture of the bride to the make-artist.  Right?  Well, according to KODAK, “the laws say that the ‘author’ is the owner of the copyright.”  “If a professional photographer took the photo for you, then he or she owns the copyright.  If that photographer is an employee of a studio or other person in the business of making photos, then his or her employer is considered the author.”

 

If you don't want your images published, have an honest conversation with your photographer (and all of your other wedding vendors) BEFORE the agreement is signed.  You may come to an agreement that allows them to publish shots of the wedding decor only.  Communication is important here.

· Keep Your Last Name to Yourself.  If a magazine or a blog or even one of your wedding vendors decides to showcase your wedding, ask them to avoid printing your last name.  It’s not necessary to use your last name, and it helps you to maintain some of your privacy.  While you are at it, don’t give out your address, telephone number, place of work or your social security number either.

· Protect Your Primary E-Mail Address.  Avoid using your primary e-mail address when you comment on blogs; post to public internet boards; or when you participate on social networking sites.  Some of these sites may use your e-mail address as an identifier, which means your e-mail address can be easily discovered by spammers.  Instead, consider creating and using an e-mail account specifically-created for your wedding planning.  Also, don’t use your first and last name in your wedding-specific e-mail address.

· Check Privacy Policies on Sites and Blogs.  I know, I know.  Reading a privacy policy is like “watching paint dry.”  But, I recommend that you find and read the privacy policies of the web site and blogs that you use.  Why?  You want to know what and how information is being collected about you.  You also want to know how the site uses your personal information once it is collected.  And finally, you want to know what assurance you have that the information you provide is protected.

·  Be Mindful of Public Wi-Fi.  When I need a break from my home office, I typically find myself working in a Panera Bread Cafes.  I have a thing for their Fuji Apple Chicken Salad, and they have free access to wireless internet.  If you use free Wi-Fi like me, I recommend that you avoid sending personal or confidential information.  You will never know if the girl sitting at the table next to you could be there to monitor what you are doing.

· Nothing Truly Leaves The Internet.  I learned something from some of my very smart iWED friends that “nothing is TRULY ever deleted off of the internet.”  Apparently, a lot of internet services rely on numerous servers to ensure that internet files (accessed by millions) are easily available.  So, you can go ahead and delete that angry comment you made about your maid-of-honor on Twitter.  And guess what?  That comment is probably still out there on a ghost site.

Always remember that you can utilize and enjoy the internet while you plan your wedding.  But you should always be on guard of your privacy.

Love & Soul Always, Kay

Monday Morning Thoughts: Sometimes What is Cheap is Expensive

"Cheap is expensive in the long run. Why buy twice when you can buy once? Commit to quality and it commits to you." - C&D’s Manifesto of Style

Every now and then, I hear stories about planners receiving panic phone calls from brides because the bride's current planner just isn’t up to par.

You see, the planner the bride initially hired was a lot less expensive than the planner the bride called in a panic.  She figured she could go with a less expensive planner and have extra money for the other wedding items she wanted to purchase.

Unfortunately, she ended up severing her agreement with the initial planner and starting an agreement with the new planner less than two months prior to her wedding.

As a result, she spent almost twice the amount planned because she paid for the services of a wedding planner twice.  In other words, this young lady went for short-term savings and increased her long-term costs.

When you are in the market for a professional wedding planner (or any other wedding vendor for that matter), price is important.  But you should also consider the following points –

· Number of Years in the Business

· Experience as a Wedding Planner

· Experience with Your Preferred Venue

· Wedding Portfolio/Examples of Past Work

· Business Practices (licenses, insurance)

· Chemistry (do you feel comfortable with this vendor)

· Referrals from Recent Brides and Grooms

· The Planner’s Ability to Carry Out Your Wedding Needs

Like the C&D Manifesto of Style says, “ . . . It’s better to have fewer quality things, than low grade quantity.”

And take it from me, you don’t want low grade quantity on your wedding day.

Love & Soul Always, Kay

Don't Put Your Wedding Guests Through The Marshmallow Test

Have you ever been to a wedding reception where you are stuck in your seat waiting for the wedding party to be introduced?  You are famished, but you are forced to sit and "watch" that pre-set salad wilt before your eyes.  Some call this the Marshmallow Experiment.

It's painful, isn't it?

So keep this in mind when your wedding day rolls around.  Take as many wedding pictures as you can before the wedding ceremony.  Offer hors d' oeuvres (even if it is just a few) during your cocktail reception.  And work with your professional wedding vendors to prepare a wedding day schedule (or timeline) that everyone (vendors, venue, wedding party) should follow -- including you.

Your hungry guests will love you for it.

Love & Soul Always, Kay